When Checking Out Helps: Understanding Healthy Dissociation

“Not all who wander are lost” The Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll

Dissociation often gets a bad reputation. Many people associate it only with trauma, danger, or something “wrong” with their mental health. But the truth is more nuanced: dissociation exists on a spectrum, and not all dissociation is harmful.

In fact, some forms of dissociation are protective, adaptive, and even healthy. Understanding the difference can help you relate to your mind and body with more compassion—especially if dissociation has been part of your survival.

What Is Dissociation, Really?

Dissociation is the mind’s ability to create distance—from sensations, emotions, thoughts, or even the passage of time. It’s a nervous system response, not a failure or flaw.

We all dissociate sometimes:

• getting lost in a book or show

• driving on autopilot

• daydreaming during a boring meeting

• zoning out when overwhelmed

These experiences are forms of mild, everyday dissociation—and they’re completely normal.

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Dissociation

The key difference isn’t whether you dissociate—it’s how much, how often, and whether you can return.

Healthy dissociation:

• is temporary

• helps regulate overwhelm

• allows emotional rest

• doesn’t interfere with daily functioning

• can be intentionally accessed

• ends when safety returns

Concerning dissociation:

• is chronic or uncontrollable

• disconnects you from your body or reality

• interferes with relationships, memory, or identity

• persists long after danger has passed

Concerning dissociation acts like a dimmer switch—not an off button.

Why the Nervous System Dissociates

Dissociation is a biological intelligence, not a mistake.

When your nervous system perceives overwhelm—emotional, sensory, relational—it may decide:

“This is too much right now. Let’s step back.”

That stepping back can:

• reduce emotional flooding

• protect against burnout

• allow the body to conserve energy

• create space to recover

For many trauma survivors, dissociation once kept them safe. Healing doesn’t mean eliminating dissociation—it means giving yourself more choice around it.

Examples of Healthy Dissociation

Healthy dissociation often shows up as intentional or restorative disengagement:

• watching a light, familiar show after a hard day

• listening to music and mentally drifting

• scrolling briefly to decompress (without losing hours)

• spacing out while resting your eyes

• daydreaming creatively

• immersing yourself in art, gaming, or reading

• taking a mental break during emotional conversations

These moments give your nervous system time to settle.

Why “Always Being Present” Isn’t the Goal

There’s a cultural push toward constant mindfulness, presence, and emotional awareness. While grounding can be helpful, being fully present 100% of the time is not realistic—or healthy.

Presence requires capacity. Capacity requires rest.

Healthy dissociation is part of that rest.

Forcing yourself to stay present when your system is overloaded can actually increase anxiety, shutdown, or emotional exhaustion.

How to Build a Healthier Relationship With Dissociation

Rather than fighting dissociation, therapy often focuses on making it safer and more flexible.

This might include:

• noticing early signs of overwhelm

• choosing intentional “check-out” moments

• learning how to return to the body gently

• increasing tolerance for emotional intensity

• building grounding skills that feel supportive (not forced)

• practicing self-compassion instead of shame

The goal isn’t control—it’s choice.

When to Seek Support

Dissociation becomes a concern when:

• you lose time or memory frequently

• you feel disconnected from your body or identity

• relationships are impacted

• you feel “not here” most of the time

• grounding feels impossible or frightening

A trauma-informed therapist can help you understand why dissociation shows up for you and how to work with it safely.

Dissociation Isn’t the Enemy

For many people—especially those with trauma histories, neurodivergence, or chronic stress—dissociation has been a form of care.

Healing doesn’t mean never dissociating again.
It means learning how to:

• listen to your nervous system

• meet overwhelm with compassion

• rest without disappearing

• come back when you’re ready

At its best, healthy dissociation is simply the mind saying:

“Let’s pause. We can return later.”

And that pause can be an act of self-preservation, not pathology.